Saturday, September 15, 2007

why it was blank

Beginning of this month was Left blank.
I didn't blog anything.
As if my mind was just not interested in recording incidents, I felt like I was in denial. I didn't want to remember. I just wanted it all to end and move on.
I'm not sure whether it has ended or not, the commotion that kept me away from the life that I claimed to be embracing. I felt trapped and cheated. But strangely..I felt like I've just graduated from something, a class perhaps, and now ready to take the next stage. Maybe I did. Maybe this is what you call "asam garam kehidupan". Hhhmmm, I'm still contemplating.
I learned to be more analytic about things and assume always that you are responsible. Be more sure, confident and decisive.
And the beginning of September, I also learned to let go and forget. But I also learned to remember and understand that some things are just meant to remember. Some people are just meant to be special to you no matter what and will live in your heart forever. And that loving someone deeply and truthfully, can be the loneliest feeling to have.
I don't know what September means to me now, but it sure felt like a month of solitude. Facebook, YouTube...Asia21 - it's a month for self improvement, self healing and self satisfaction for yourself.
"you can't get what you can't see" - I wanted to be invisible. I wanted to be protected and loved. Now, all I want is to be happy.

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