a mixed feeling.

The doctor finally came to a conclusion that my dads prostate needs to be operated. Soon.

For the very first time in my life, I am scared. Scared of losing him. What would I do without him? What would I be without him? He has always saved me. He has always been there. My safe zone. The person who had shaped me to the person I am today.

I was my dads little girl till I'm about 20 years old. That year I remember, was the last time I thought of him as "the god", for me. That particular year, I discovered his imperfection which completely changed the way I see and feel about him. From that time onwards, until today, I have a problem trusting someone, especially men. He made me a solitaire. I blamed it on him till the morning my mom woke me up to tell me that we had to take him to the hospital.

Now I remember...what would I do without him. I am scared. I want him to always be there for me. If not him, who else? Who would love me..take care of me unconditionally? - no one.

I am 35 today and I have to stop being a child and selfish. Now I realise that I have actually never been independent. There's always a good reason behind every incident in our life. This is one of them, be ready to be thankful for whatever goodness God will give me, as I know it will make me a better person for this life and after.

I love you dad..for who you are. You are and will always be my number 1 hero!

Your daughter..Lia.